Rest....will that happen for me?

For about a year now, I have been reflecting on the verses in Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.   Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.    For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

I must confess that at times I don't believe that God wants to give me rest.  I don't think that His burden is light.  Now, I am not a theologian or a philsopher (Lou is, but not me).  So, I probably need to really dig out some of his commentaries and other books to study this more.  But on face value, I have been wrestling with this idea that God wants to give me rest. 

As I been meditating on this, I have also been reflecting on other things that I might not necessarily believe about my Heavenly father.  Now, as a Christ follower for almost 40 years and now a misllsionary, this is horrible to admit.  It is the on-going struggle of what I know to be true, but experiencing it at a heart level is a different thing.  For instance, I know that God delights in His children, but does He delight in me?  I know God is a generous and gracious God, but why do I struggle with the world of merit instead of His world of grace? 

I long to rest in Him, yet I get so caught up in the details of life.  I long to experience the green pastures and the soul restoration that Psalm 23 talks about, yet the deadlines of life tend to pull at me more than time with God.  I also know this is more my problem than God's...but I'm being honest to what's going on in my soul. 

What is amazing is as I have been wrestling through these issues of the heart, I have sensed a deepening of my faith.  I have sensed His presence more as I walk through this journey.  I still cry out more often, "How long Lord" or "Why Lord", than I do "Thank you Lord".  But, I know God is working, I know God is patient with me and I know I will find rest.