I call to you, O Lord, from my quiet darkness. Show me your mercy and love. Let me see your face, hear your voice, touch the hem of your cloak. I want to love you, be with you, speak to you and simply stand in your presence. But I cannot make it happen. Pressing my eyes against my hands is not praying, and reading about your presence is not living in it. But there is that moment in which you will come to me, as you did to your fearful disciples, and say, "Do not be afraid; it is I." Let that moment come soon, O Lord. And if you want to delays it, then make me patient. -- From A Cry for Mercy by Henri J.M. Nouwen
As we prepare to leave in two weeks for Germany, we realize that we are truly struggling with mixed emotions. We are starting to feel the pressure of the enemy and are wrestling with being impatient, fearful, nervous. At the same time, our confidence in what God has called us to do fills our hearts with joy & excitement. We are about to embark on the biggest change and adventure of our lives. Some times we feel God's presence in our lives in amazing ways; other times we are in a quiet darkness.
We can relate to Nouwen's cry. We know God is with us, even when we feel alone. We know that God hears the cry of our hearts, even when we don't feel His presence. We will continue to cling to the Lord and know we will have that moment with the Creator of the universe where we hear him say, "Do not be afraid; it is I".