For about a year now, I have been reflecting on the verses in Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
I must confess that at times I don't believe that God wants to give me rest. I don't think that His burden is light. Now, I am not a theologian or a philsopher (Lou is, but not me). So, I probably need to really dig out some of his commentaries and other books to study this more. But on face value, I have been wrestling with this idea that God wants to give me rest.
As I been meditating on this, I have also been reflecting on other things that I might not necessarily believe about my Heavenly father. Now, as a Christ follower for almost 40 years and now a misllsionary, this is horrible to admit. It is the on-going struggle of what I know to be true, but experiencing it at a heart level is a different thing. For instance, I know that God delights in His children, but does He delight in me? I know God is a generous and gracious God, but why do I struggle with the world of merit instead of His world of grace?
I long to rest in Him, yet I get so caught up in the details of life. I long to experience the green pastures and the soul restoration that Psalm 23 talks about, yet the deadlines of life tend to pull at me more than time with God. I also know this is more my problem than God's...but I'm being honest to what's going on in my soul.
What is amazing is as I have been wrestling through these issues of the heart, I have sensed a deepening of my faith. I have sensed His presence more as I walk through this journey. I still cry out more often, "How long Lord" or "Why Lord", than I do "Thank you Lord". But, I know God is working, I know God is patient with me and I know I will find rest.